In these trying times, we always like to bring you DELIGHT, so here is a DELIGHTFUL interview with your favorite congressperson Rep. Maxine Waters of California. Yes, fresh off MURDERING A DORK JOURNALIST TO DEATH by lightly brushing against him, your Auntie Maxine had time to talk with founding Wonkette creator person Ana Marie Cox for the New York Times Magazine. In said interview, She Who Threw The Very First Shade, she who was unmentioned in the book of Genesis, but was nonetheless standing right there under a tree in the Garden of Eden, throwing shade at both Eve and that trifling serpent for ignorantly wasting her time with all their forbidden fruit talk, actually claimed she did not know what “shade” is:
I have been adopted by the millennials, and I’m enjoying every minute of it! I’m learning a new language. You never think about shade, for example, other than, you know, ‘‘a tree is providing shade,’’ but when they taught me what shade was, I thought: Now, isn’t that creative?
The first rule of being the president and founding member of Auntie Maxine Waters’s Shade Club is you never talk about Shade Club, and when somebody mentions it, you say, “Now isn’t that creative?”
Over the past several months, Auntie Maxine Waters (she says in the interview that she likes to be called that, and her wish is obviously our command) has brought the pain down on Donald Trump (“Scumbag!”) and former FBI Director James Comey (“The FBI director has no credibility!” MIC DROP). She was completely goddamned finished with Bill O’Reilly before Fox News was. But Cox brought up another kerfuffle Waters had recently, one we hadn’t heard about.
You see, Tucker Carlson, who is most famous for getting beated up by a Teen Vogue writer, recently spent time going after Auntie Maxine for comments she made about broken-brained HUD Secretary Ben Carson, because he does not know shit about public housing. Her exact quote was that when Carson is brought before her committee, “I AM GOING TO TAKE HIS ASS APART.” (God, she is the best.) So Fucking Tucker thought it would be a good idea to criticize Waters, racistly, for living in an expensive house that’s not even in her district. WHOA IF TRUE, BURN HER FOR A WITCH! Here’s Fucking Tucker:
“Consider where she lives,” he said, “in a 6,000-square foot, $4.3 million mansion in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in Los Angeles. Now how’d she afford a place like that? After having spent the last 40 years working in government? We’d hate to speculate.”
“How does she keep getting re-elected despite not living in her own congressional district?” he asked. “No clue there either.”
Oh go hide from a gay guy who glanced at you in the bathroom, Carlson, you fucking loser.