Nice Time! Refugee Rescue Group Comes To Aid Of Sea-Nazis After Their Hitlerboat Breaks Down

The C-Star, bedecked with its refugee-intimidating banners.

A trouble-plagued ship run by a bunch of far-right YouTube loonies (for the purpose of blocking refugee boats from crossing the Mediterranean into Europe) broke down off the coast of Libya Friday, and was offered assistance by another boat from a group whose mission is to rescue refugees in distress. Just your basic Good Seamanship kind of thing, said the head of the refugee-friendly group Sea-Eye. Because rescuing people in crappy old boats is what they’re good at, after all.

The bad ship C-Star, operated by a group calling itself “Defend Europe” (and also “Generation Identity,” depending on the source you’re reading — it’s connected with a white-supremacist movement calling itself “Identitarianism”), got into some kind of mechanical difficulty and couldn’t maneuver. Italian maritime officials contacted Sea-Eye because its boat was closest to the reichwing ship. The chairman of Sea-Eye, Michael Buschheuer, said its vessel was prepared to go help the Nazis, because “To help a ship in distress is the duty of anyone at sea, without regard for their origin, race, religion or beliefs.”

The C-Star may have been unable to move, but it certainly wasn’t becalmed; while the Sea-Eye ship offered to assist it, the Nazis aboard Boaty McHitlerface refused to accept any help. It’s not clear whether the would-be rescuers’ filthy sentimental attachment to saving drowning refugees played a role in the C-Star crew’s insistence that it was fine, just fine.

“Sea-Eye took on a course towards the C-Star and got in contact with the right-wing extremists but they refused any help,” a spokesperson said.

“On the instructions of the Maritime Rescue Coordination Centre [in Rome], the Sea-Eye continued its search for shipwrecks and drownings.”

The nautical Nazis confirmed to authorities their vessel had experienced a “minor technical problem during the night,” so they’d shut down the engine to fix it. Their statement said they’d only contacted maritime authorities to comply with the letter of the law:

This means that under [maritime laws to prevent collisions] the vessel is considered “not under command” and information was sent out to vessels nearby in accordance with regulations.

This problem is about to be resolved.

Everything was just fine. Just a minor weapons discharge in cellblock THX-1138. No need to send help, everything’s fine. They’re fine. How are you?

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