It is official. We are definitely living in the darkest timeline. Buffy never came to Sunnydale and now everyone is a vampire; Troy got the pizza and now everyone has goatees. Everything is bad and wrong, and people who are supposed to be punchlines on late night television are running the country.
I mean, just take a moment right now and appreciate the full absurdity of this tweet right here. A tweet in which Sean Duffy, a former Real World cast member, announces that he is excited for Kid Rock to also come to congress, so that they can join together to bring PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP’S vision for America to life:
This is happening. This is our lives now. Imagine if, several years ago, someone came back from the future and was like “Donald Trump is president, a dude from the Real World is in Congress, and Kid Rock is running for Congress.” You would be like “Hey, there is no way that you are from the future, because there is no way that could possibly happen. But somehow it did, in this, the darkest timeline.
Somewhere, we have to hope, there is a version of ourselves living in a better timeline. A timeline in which Hillary Clinton is president and all the B-List celebrities stay on TMZ and the reality shows what wrought them. In the meantime, I suppose it’s about time for me to grow a mustache.
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