This Tale Of A Snail Finding Another Snail To Fuck Then Promptly Dying Will Warm Your Black Heart

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RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?

Wonkers, this story from NPR has everything. There are #ScienceFacts and #Sadness and #Sexxx and #Snails in it! OH YES and there is #Romance!

So, we were not previously aware of the saga of Jeremy, a British snail with a very rare condition where its shell twisted to the left. (Snails are hermaphroditic, therefore this is not his shell or her shell, OK?) Now, this would be no big deal, but snails with left-twisting shells are actually incapable of fucking snails with the usual right-twisting shells. This means Jeremy was a dork virgin!

Anyway, Jeremy died last week, but don’t worry, because NPR reports that before it went to be with the Lord, Jeremy, who was always DTF but never could seem to meet the right snail, did some FUCKIN’:

Reader, before he died, Jeremy procreated.

That’s right. The little lefty did it.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAH, everybody please cheer for the snail sex!

So basically some scientists in the United Kingdom were very concerned with Jeremy’s love life, so they updated Jeremy’s Tinder profile to say, “I WOULD LIKE TO FUCK SOME LEFTY SNAILS PLZ.” And lo and behold, two lefties were found! There was Lefty, whose snail parents couldn’t be bothered to come up with an actual name, and who is a British snail like Jeremy. There was also Tomeau, who was from the exotic land of Majorca, Spain. Tomeau traveled a long way!

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Amari.Reynolds
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Amari.Reynolds

Hell yeah!<3