WE’RE ALL IN IT TOGETHER, FUCK-KNOCKERS!

2

Before September, about 3100 people a month — or one percent of our core readership of 300 thousand people per month (which is WAYYYYY down from a readership of about a million since Facebook took a dump, but we absolutely don’t care since you are the 300 thousand readers who matter) were sending us money to pay for writers, health insurance, servers, liquor, our mortgage, the others’ rent, liquor, the Wonkebago to come to your town and buy you beers and bbq at your park, and baby shoes.

(See that baby up above, that is one-year-old GRANDBABY Tallulah and she and her mom and her-dad-my-son LIVE WITH US NOW, YOU GET A WHOLE NOTHER BABBBBBBY!)

Then, in September, those 3,100 of you turned into 3800. “I am so sorry,” every one of those 700 people wrote after I yelled at you, “I assumed I was the only one who was too lazy to get my wallet out, not NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF US.” Well, 98.8 percent of you now!

Money-wise, it was a terrific month, wiping out our $16,000 operating debt for the year so far. Do we still have $30k in business credit card debt? Fuck yeah but it don’t matter; mama got a loan to consolidate ’em so it’s like 6 percent interest instead of 19. And now I can be president! Of course, the “real” “president” probably won’t nominate Brett Kavanaugh AGAIN this month, so we’re unlikely to get another of Evan’s Kavanaugh shitshow liveblogs. That fucker was a Wonkette-money-dumptruck! Of cash!

Now, if another .2 percent of our regular readers were to throw money at us every month, another 700 of you out of 300,000 giving us $2 or $5 or $10 or $1000 a month (just kidding, nobody gives us $1000 a month, but occasionally you do it once!), we could give the freelancers a raise (we’d like to!), start socking away a few months’ worth of operating expenses, and then think about considering what it might be like to HIRE SOME MORE OF THOSE FUCKERS FULL-TIME. Would they like it? YES. Would you like it? I’M GUESSIN’. Would I like it? OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY, I’M MAKIN’ JERBS. Would my husband like it? He would like me to save up some of the money first, because he is NO FUN (and also I’m really impulsive about hiring people and then he has to stroke my hair while I’m crying, “PAYROLL, WAAAH!”).

Daily Deals

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Edgar Tucker
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Edgar Tucker

Much Agreed

Tripp Lester
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Tripp Lester

Conservative Government is an organized hypocrisy.