Which Trump Idiot Is Going As ‘Robert Mueller Just Put Me In Jail’ For Halloween? Let’s Wonksplore!

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Shit’s gettin’ real, y’all! Robert Mueller’s Justice League filed the first indictments in the Trump Russia investigation last night, and CNN is saying someone’s winning a field trip and special pair of bracelets by Monday. The mood in DC is somewhere between Christmas Eve and OMAR COMIN’, depending on your political persuasion.

The howler monkeys are howling. “That’s Doctor To You” Gorka is screaming that Hillary Clinton should get the electric chair. And Roger Stone is hallucinating that he’s on some fantasy island with all the black journalists.

Keep shouting “Cocksucker,” dude. It makes you seem very heterosexual.

Meanwhile, our Twitter feed is full of breathless speculation about who’ll be the first to get a knock at the door from Robert Mueller. Will it be Paul Manafort? Mike Flynn? Jared Kushner? Junior? Collect them all! (No, seriously, Mr. Mueller. COLLECT THEM ALL.) So let’s do a quick Rumor Mill Round Up, and cross our fingers that it’s relevant for at least half an hour before the clock strikes Scoop O’Clock again.

Renato Mariotti: Pack Your Bags, Paulie!

Mariotti is a former federal prosecutor currently running for AG in Illinois. Here’s his thread on the indictment.

Mariotti thinks Manafort is the most likely suspect, since he likes to do his money laundering out in the open (ALLEGEDLY) and has the goods on whatever sweaty, nekkid sexxytimes Donald Trump got up to with Vladimir Putin. Also, there was that one time when Mueller raided Manafort’s house and told him, “I’m going to indict you.”

There’s also the outside chance that Mueller is putting the squeeze on Manafort by grabbing up his son-in-law Jeffrey Yohai, who’s got his own shady dealings in Ukraine. Or as our lawcrush Mariotti would say, Mueller is trying to ensure Manafort’s vicarious cooperation. Oh, Renato, we love it when you talk dirty!

Seth Abramson: In Like Flynn!

Abramson can be a little … out there. But does know his stuff (sometimes) so here’s his thread on Mueller from last night.

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Izabelle.Rowe
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Izabelle.Rowe

Absolutely Agree